now - lets get honest
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1
Let's get good and honest here:
That verse is water to my soul because... I've got this little voice in my head.
You can call me crazy, and I would probably agree with you, but my fellow Enneagram Ones know exactly what I am talking about.
if you don't know what the Enneagram is, please take this test and let me know your results... it is a really interesting and telling personality test..nothing scary.
It is almost like a little angel and devil sitting on my shoulders at all times. (Okay, now I know I sound crazy, but bear with me)
Even on my most brave day, when I go to kickboxing and begin to get involved in church and get a new job.. the days when most would look in the mirror and say "YAS GIRL" something inside me says "Measure up." "You missed the mark." "You can keep trying, but you're going to fail again."
I find comfort in tell you this, because I KNOW I am not alone in this battle. I know women who never deal with these voices, but I know of more who do.
That voice can get so overwhelming loud sometimes, it drowns out everything else around me.. It drowns out Romans 8:1. I feel the weight of condemnation, trying to find that shame backpack, put back together the pieces of the chains that used to bound me, and sit in the back of a dark movie theatre and randomly cry..
Let's get specific: weight loss. I don't know how much weight I am officially down now because the scales were hidden from me...mother.. but I know it is a significant amount. But our of nowhere this idea popped in my head: "Congratulations! You lost the weight that you were responsible for gaining. Let's celebrate!" (The voice inside my head is more sarcastic than I am..it's scary in here..) And now it is nearly impossible for me to shake that thought.
There are countless situations the voice likes to speak into, but this is the main one right now... and some days it is seemingly impossible to shut that booger up... BUT NOW
But now there is no condemnation left for me. Jesus took it upon himself.
Water for my soul.
I find myself saying this over and over and it hushes the voice. Over and over.
It feels like a literal shield - Simultaneously a shield and a stretcher. I am able to rest behind this - knowing that is doesn't mean the battle is over for my mind, but I remember that the war is won anyway and that allows me to rest for a moment. My brain can power down and the tears dry up. But man, I am even quick to forget the comfort that He carries.
On your best days:
Let's get good and honest here:
That verse is water to my soul because... I've got this little voice in my head.
You can call me crazy, and I would probably agree with you, but my fellow Enneagram Ones know exactly what I am talking about.
if you don't know what the Enneagram is, please take this test and let me know your results... it is a really interesting and telling personality test..nothing scary.
It is almost like a little angel and devil sitting on my shoulders at all times. (Okay, now I know I sound crazy, but bear with me)
Even on my most brave day, when I go to kickboxing and begin to get involved in church and get a new job.. the days when most would look in the mirror and say "YAS GIRL" something inside me says "Measure up." "You missed the mark." "You can keep trying, but you're going to fail again."
I find comfort in tell you this, because I KNOW I am not alone in this battle. I know women who never deal with these voices, but I know of more who do.
That voice can get so overwhelming loud sometimes, it drowns out everything else around me.. It drowns out Romans 8:1. I feel the weight of condemnation, trying to find that shame backpack, put back together the pieces of the chains that used to bound me, and sit in the back of a dark movie theatre and randomly cry..
Let's get specific: weight loss. I don't know how much weight I am officially down now because the scales were hidden from me...mother.. but I know it is a significant amount. But our of nowhere this idea popped in my head: "Congratulations! You lost the weight that you were responsible for gaining. Let's celebrate!" (The voice inside my head is more sarcastic than I am..it's scary in here..) And now it is nearly impossible for me to shake that thought.
There are countless situations the voice likes to speak into, but this is the main one right now... and some days it is seemingly impossible to shut that booger up... BUT NOW
But now there is no condemnation left for me. Jesus took it upon himself.
Water for my soul.
I find myself saying this over and over and it hushes the voice. Over and over.
It feels like a literal shield - Simultaneously a shield and a stretcher. I am able to rest behind this - knowing that is doesn't mean the battle is over for my mind, but I remember that the war is won anyway and that allows me to rest for a moment. My brain can power down and the tears dry up. But man, I am even quick to forget the comfort that He carries.
On your best days:
- the kids are all mostly dressed
- you got to open your bible and read at least a verse
- you didn't swear when that guy cut you off in traffic
- you took a shower
- you exercised
- you didn't lose your patience with your significant other
- you didn't think to yourself "My mother has lost her mind"
- and you got a little tan by the pool or beach..
those days when you give yourself a "YAS GIRL" there is no condemnation for you if you are in Christ... and believe me, thats a good piece of Gospel you need even on a good day, because God is the giver of all of our good days - not you. *there is nothing good in you or about you apart from God*
On your worst days:
- Your kids have lost their minds
- you rear ended a guy in front of the home depot
- it rained after you spent more than 4 minutes on your hair
- you lost it on your kids
- your fat pants don't button
- your best friend walks out
- your Significant Other is mostly absent
- and God seems to be nowhere to be found...
- you're not as pretty as "her"
on those days.. when it all seems dry and you can't stop the tears and you can't escape your mind so you go an hide in the back of a movie theatre..on those days, there is no condemnation for you if you are in Christ.
When I allow my heart and mind to soak in that one truth, I am free to be brave and face any fear I might have.
The war was won. Condemnation was nailed to a tree and taken on for me. That is where life is found and the voice of condemnation drowns in that living water. Don't throw it a life preserver - as I tend to do.
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