here's to her

for 17 days I have been doing a liver shrinking diet in order to prepare for my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy  (VSG) which is TOMORROW.

this diet is pretty simple, 4 protein shakes a day, (shoutout to Premier Protein), and at night a low carb, low calorie meal (shoutout to Healthy Choice.) It has been a long 17 days of chicken, and chocolate protein shakes, but tomorrow, and every day following, it all pays off.

the first day of this diet, i was making my way to NC for the week to have 3 very cute munchkins to keep me busy.

when my mom left for work that morning, i was nearly walking out behind her and the last thing she said to me was, "Are you going to be okay with this diet? I can just see that 16 year old girl, sitting at nana's house watching everyone eat pizza and being upset that she couldn't." She shut the door and tears filled my eyes because, I am doing this for her.

• this is for the girl who had cake to be her bae one since day one.
• this is for the girl who grew up familiar with weight charts and the "we really need to try and get this off before it's too late" talks in doctor's offices. 
• this is for the girl who, at 8, had "suck it in" down when it came to taking pictures.
• this is for the girl who walked around hollister, abercrombie, and aeropostal with her friends, but didn't even bother to search for something that fit.
• this is for the girl who did weekly weigh-ins saturday mornings for weight watchers (shoutout to those weight watchers carrot cakes though), got down with the ladies at curves, and had a love/hate relationship with the elliptical machine (can't wait to tackle that beast again...).
• this is for the girl who might get a "headache" if she went on the rollercoaster - in fear that she might not fit is she were brave enough to walk up the ramp and try. 
• this is for the girl who couldn't hike to waterfalls, who didn't want to dance in the kitchen with her friends, and who was terrified that at any moment those ENO straps might pop in front of everyone.

but this is also for...

• the woman who doesn't want to fear jumping on a plane and going somewhere... anywhere.
• the woman who just wants to cross her dang legs in church like a normal person "lady."
• the woman who might have a house full of kids one day and will need to be able to keep up with them, but in the mean time just wants to keep up with her cousins.
• the woman who won't have to worry about fitting on that rollercoaster. 
• the woman who has goals and callings over her life, and needs to be alive to achieve an see God's hand move in brilliance and wonder.
• the woman who will be able to look at that girl mentioned above and say "Sweet girl, this life is given to you to live fully - and this does not have to be forever."

weight loss surgery is not for most, but it is a tool that i need, in order that i might live in that abundant life that God has for me.

this is for her. this is for me. this is for my calling. this is for me to gain life.

if that girl hadn't experienced the things she did through her life, then she wouldn't have allowed me to be me. so while i can catch myself pitying her, mostly i am thankful she survived to this point, and has been brave enough to take this next step.

so here's to her. i love her. i am proud of her. and i am proud to be her today --- but man i can't wait to see what she becomes.

tomorrow, everything changes for her. 

cake - bae one since day one.